The Lesbian Adventures of Haruka and Michiru
by McGigolo
Summary: This is NOT PORN, this is just some random incoherent words pieced together to form a story which you may or may not find funny, but me and my friends find it funny because we are drunks...also the High Goomba and Children of The Swirl are copyrights of M


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The Lesbian Adventures of Haruka and Michiru

It has been a few years since the Sailor Wars have ended and peace reigns throughout the world. During these years, the two groups of Soldiers separate from each other and continue on with their lives. Usagi and Mamoru prepare for their ascension to royalty as rulers of the Earth and the inner soldiers do their own thing, but eventually regroup. Rei is arrested for a prostitution scandal involving Artemis and some Mole People; Ami started a medical college in Okinawa...which was raided on account of massive corruption involving Artemis; Makoto pursued a career in cooking, but she also got arrested because Artemis slipped 10 kilos of Marijuana into all her food; lastly, Minako pursued a career as a famous actress and singer, but was arrested for being the High Goomba Prostitute in the Rei Hino Prostitution Scandal. 

Meanwhile, while Usagi and Mamoru had to bail the inner soldiers out of jail, the outer soldiers have taken time off from their duties, lit up a proverbial hookah for one and all, and got baked each and everyday. After a couple years of this, Setsuna realized she needed to return to her post at the doors of time. Everyone gathered at the train station to wish Setsuna good bye.

Haruka: Good luck Setsuna, I know it must be lonely there

Haruka inched her way closer to Setsuna and whispered to her.

Haruka: ....if you ever do get lonely, here's a few nice shots of my ass, it's Lesbianrific! Here are some more of Michiru, I took them while she was on the can

Setsuna: ....These are disgusting! Are you insane!?

Haruka: I know you want it, you can't deny the feeling deep down inside. You can't get enough of *these* sugar crisps!

Haruka lifted her shirt up and started doing a jig. Setsuna stared at her in horrified awe.

Haruka: Whoa look at 'em go! Hey Michiru, get a look at this!

Michiru: OORANOOS!

Haruka pulled her shirt back down and sulked back to Michiru. Setsuna made whip-cracking sounds. Hotaru ran up to her and stared at Setsuna for 30 minutes and then punched her in the stomach. She laughed like a drunk and then ran into the distance towards the sunset as hillbilly getaway music played. 

Setsuna: Wow...ok why the hell are we all here anyway? I don't need to take a train to get to the doors of time. I can just teleport there.

Haruka: Well slap my ass and call me yours

Haruka turned around and shook her ass in Setsuna's face. Michiru slapped a sticker that said "WIDE LOAD" on Haruka's ass. Setsuna pulled a giant bong out of her ass and called the guardians of time to teleport her to the gates of time. When she disappeared, Haruka stood, with her ass in the air, with a confused look on her face. Michiru giggled and petals of cherry blossoms floated by. A shadow befell the two and a giant cherry blossom landed on them and knocked them over. Haruka rolled into the ocean and was carried away by a school of fish. When she got to the bottom of the ocean "Under the Sea" started to play and the fish sang and danced. She joined in and laughed jovially. When the song was over the scene switched to an emergency helicopter where she was being airlifted to the hospital. While unconscious and connected to the respirator, she murmured "Under the Sea." 

When Haruka and Michiru got back home, they were surprised to find Hotaru sitting around a campfire in the middle of the living room. The surprising part was that she was in a burlap sack with her head poking out. The sack said "Antarctica or Bust" and there was a giant stamp on it with a picture of Elvis super imposed onto a wall of fire.

Hotaru: MAIL ME

Haruka: What the fuck?

Hotaru: HARUKA-PAPA....MAIL MEEEEEEEEEEE

Michiru: OORANOOS!

Haruka: Will you stop doing that!

Michiru: She's got a sack! You better do what she says!

Haruka: What?

Michiru: OORANOOS!!!

Haruka: What!?

Michiru: Mail her!

Haruka shrugged and took Hotaru outside. Hotaru was having a seizure, screaming "CHOP CHOP MASSA ONION." Haruka tossed her into the mailbox and went back in the house. An old man walked by the mailbox, walking his Chihuahua. He went to put a letter into the mailbox and when he opened it Hotaru was singing the Excel Saga Ending Theme. He screamed and pissed his pants and ran away. The Chihuahua pissed itself as well and imploded. A maid walked by, pulled a mop out of her ass, and wiped up the piss on the sidewalk and lawn. 

In the next weeks, Haruka and Michiru held open casting for the new Sailor Pluto and Sailor Saturn. Millions of people tried out. The Super Crew was there, George W Bush and Dick Chaney were there, Vince and Linda McMahon were there, and many more people were there. Haruka and Michiru told all of them that they'd get back to them and Haruka gave all the women nude pictures of herself. The only ones not to slap her were Ellen Degeneres, Janet Reno, and Queen Elizabeth. Gary Coleman and Osama bin Laden were the last applicants for the job. 

Haruka: Look at that little guy Michiru! He's BLACK

Gary: What 'chou talkin' 'bout Haruka!? Yo OSAMA, check out these chicks, they're LESBIANS

Haruka: Who's a lesbian!? What's a lesbian!?

Michiru: I think it's time for that special talk Haruka...

Osama: GIVE JOB NOW, OSAMA WANT HO HO HO

Osama grabbed his stomach and laughed jovially. Haruka stared at him in quiet awe and copied him. Gary latched himself onto Michiru's leg and she frantically tried to get him off. She kicked him off and he went flying into the china cabinet. He rolled up his sleeves.

Gary: Damn woman, you' goin' DOWN

Michiru: Bring it on you little SHIT

The two get into a war as Haruka and Osama sat on the couch, watched TV, and laughed jovially together. They had found their new Sailor Pluto and Sailor Saturn.

__

Commercial break: Eye catch shown where pictures of Haruka's ass are flashed on the screen. Each time a new picture is shown, her ass gets larger and larger until a black screen is shown. Words in the middle of the screen appeared that say "JUST DO IT."

_Eye Catch 2: Haruka, dressed in a little kid's sailor outfit, holding a giant lollipop in the shape of Michiru's head, screams "I WANT CANDY." She then devours the entire lollipop._

In the frozen wastelands of Antarctica, Hotaru drunkenly stumbled around and fell face first into the snow. She got up and looked around. Her eyes were without pupils and she seemed to be in a trance. She made her way to the coast and stood atop a small stretch of land that protruded out of the earth and over the ocean. She looked far off into the horizon and started drooling. All of a sudden the sound of a ship's horn is heard. Hotaru drunkenly looked over to her right and saw a massive ship approaching. The ship had a puke green-colored swirl painted on it. The ship docked on the beach and a man dressed in a ragged bathrobe, holding a scepter made from papier-mâché and elbow macaroni, ran up to her screaming incoherently.

Man: YES I BEAT GENDOU! THE DAY IS MINE

The man did an Irish jig as Hotaru smiled drunkenly and drooled some more. He ran up to Hotaru and lightly tapped her over the head with his "scepter." 

Man: Now what? 

Hotaru: ::drooling noises:::

Man: You're suppose to revert back to an embryo so I can put you in my pocket and haul ass back to America and build Boston-3. I'll show that fucking Gendou, I will be the ruler of the world!

Hotaru burped in his face and leapt off the edge of the land into the ocean. 

Man: SHIT

Hotaru floated away and the man got in his boat and brought her back. On the beach, the man tried to roll Hotaru into a ball and force her to become an embryo. She was getting pissed.

Man: I COMMAND YOU TO BECOME AN EMBRYO DAMN IT. AS HIGH GOOMBA OF THE CHILDREN OF THE SWIRL I ORDER YOU TO TURN BACK INTO AN EMBRYO SO I CAN SAVE THE WORLD FROM THE ANGEL'S AND NEGLECT MY SON. 

Hotaru finally snapped and kicked the High Goomba in the balls. "Holy Grail" started to play and Hotaru floated in the air, glowing with a purple light. Her eyes became black and red and the symbol of Saturn appeared on her forehead. 

Hotaru: It's ass-whopping time

High Goomba: Shit.

The High Goomba ran for his ship, but it was in the ocean. A flag was rolled down over the side of the ship covering the puke green-swirl. The flag had the exact same swirl, except it was orange and had a copyright symbol next to it. The people who stole the High Goomba's ship walked over the side of it. The people included, Sonic The Hedgehog, Miles "Tails" Prower, BD Joe (the drunken black guy from Crazy Taxi), Toe Jam and Earl, and an assortment of others. 

Sonic: That's what you get stealing our symbol, ASSHOLE

Tails: Suck on this BITCH

Tails flashes the High Goomba and all the Sega Mascots on the ship laugh their asses off. The ship goes out towards the horizon as laughter is still heard. An airplane flies overhead with a giant green "N" on it. A bomb is dropped and riding on the bomb is Luigi. 

Luigi: I'm-a Luigi! KISS-A MY FAT ITALIAN ASS

The bomb destroyed the ship and the airplane flew away. A rabid bandicoot, with a "PS" logo branded into it's ass, leapt out of the ocean and latched onto the plane. He screamed incoherently and the plane crashed into the ocean and exploded. The bandicoot ran onto an iceberg and laughed manically. A 200ft tall Bill Gates rose out of the ocean and ate the bandicoot and laughed manically as well. He burped and exploded. Hotaru and the High Goomba watched this all happen in a matter of a second and were massively confused. Hotaru shrugged and then returned to becoming Satan. She stared at the High Goomba.

Hotaru: BYEEE

The Earth is shown from afar and a bright white light beams out from Antarctica. The light surrounds most of the Earth except for some northern portions. At the home of the new outer soldiers, the sky became blood red and strong winds blew everything off the ground. Haruka sensed trouble.

Haruka: Michiru! I think the deadly silence has returned! We must protect the Princess!

Usagi, dressed in her Moon Princess clothes, literally flew by the two at 100mph screaming incoherently.

Haruka: Ok....plan B!

Michiru: What's plan B!? 

Haruka: Plan B is...get the fuck out of my way!

Haruka knocked Michiru on the ground and ran inside the house and watched Michiru from the front window. Michiru gave her the finger and ran inside the house and beat the shit out of Haruka. Osama and Gary walked out of their bedrooms. 

Gary: What the hell's going on!?

Osama: Ahh, look like old country HO HO HO

Haruka: Oh Michiru, I love when you get rough with me! I've been a bad girl, beat me down again!

Michiru: ...shut up you idiot, no lesbian things in front of the "M-I-D-G-E-T"

Osama: Mid-get? Is that ethnic slur!? Osama mad, hurt you bad

Osama pounded the ground like a sumo wrestler and charged at Michiru. Michiru pulled her Talisman out of her ass and bashed him over the head with it. 

Michiru: This is no time to fool around! We must save the world! Everyone, transform! 

Haruka: Uranus Planet Power, Make up!

Michiru: Neptune Planet Power, Make up!

Osama: Mid-life Crisis, Make up!

Gary: Captain Planet Power, Make up!

Haruka and Michiru stared at Osama and Gary in confusion. Somehow Pluto and Saturn's transformation pens reacted and the two transformed. Osama barely fit into Pluto's outfit and his massive beer belly hung out. Saturn's outfit was too big for Gary and the Silence Glaive was too heavy. Uranus and Neptune collapsed on the ground and had sweat drops on their heads. The four Sailor Teleported. They landed in what's left of Antarctica and found the High Goomba hiding in a pile of snow. An Antarctican Police Officer pulled up in a Police-Snowmobile and told the High Goomba that what's left of the UN has decided that he and his cult are to be deported from the Earth. The Earth, now devastated, is shown once again. The High Goomba, Bobo the Magical Prostitute Clown, and their only other follower, Prince, were shot off the face of the Earth and landed on the moon. There they started a new life and annexed the moon.

Back on Earth, Hotaru has grown to the size of Godzilla and started destroying what's left of the Earth. NERV has built Tokyo-3 and Hotaru hauled ass over to Japan and burped which destroyed the entire city. The Outer Soldiers introduced themselves and Neo Queen Serenity appeared out of no where. She said that she would save the world. Haruka ran over to her and started whoring her up with her "feminine wiles."

Serenity: What the fuck are you doing!?

Haruka: I keep telling you that I know you want me, but you won't admit it. Just give in! 

Serenity: GO AWAY

Haruka: C'mon, how can you look at this round voluptuous ass and not want it!?

Haruka lifted her skirt up and shook her ass in Serenity's face. Serenity pulled the Eternal Tier out of her cleavage and shoved it up Haruka's ass. Haruka ran around screaming and Michiru sighed and pulled the Tier out of Haruka's ass.

Haruka: Oh Michiru, not now!

Michiru beat Haruka over the head with Tier and chased her around the streets. 

Serenity: Will you two STOP

Osama: Hey baby, you want ass, eh?

Osama lifted up his skirt and shook his fat ass in Serenity's face. Serenity instantly became horrified and threw herself off a bridge to her death. Gary leapt off the bridge and brought Serenity out of the water and onto land. 

Serenity: Haruka...Michiru...use your Lesbian Boobs....

Haruka: What!? 

Michiru: That's right! The Lesbian Boobs of Doom!

Haruka and Michiru grabbed hands and concentrated. Their energy focused onto their cleavage and their boobs grew to the size of four zeppelins. They exploded and the Earth was shown from afar for the third time in this story. Hotaru, returned to her normal size, was shot from the Earth and landed on the moon. There, she and the Children of the Swirl, lived happily ever after.

_The end credits play, but are abruptly stopped._

Gary Coleman and Osama walk out, hand in hand. They announce their love and bring out their 'bundle of joy.' Black Amazonian Midget Chibiusa walks out and the picture is zoomed in on her.

Chibiusa: What 'chou talkin' 'bout everybody!

The End.


End file.
